22 October 2014

Hardest Thing

We have 25 questions coming our way.

Why?  Because.

I may not have perfect answers, it'll just be what comes to mind.  Feel free to play along in the comments....not about me, about you... ☺

Question #1:  What is the hardest thing you've ever done?

Things that come to mind:
- Fighting the seemingly never ending battle called depression...
- Natural childbirth.  Three times.
- Move when I was 14.  15.  16.  Again multiples times as an adult and doing that to my daughters...being new sucks.
- Various family situations.
- Showing up when I'd rather do anything but.

But, I think...and perhaps it's because of all the different things that poured into it... I think the hardest thing I've ever done was telling my daughters that their father was dead.

Because I knew as soon as those words were out of my mouth their lives would change.

I knew that they would never go back to how it was a second before.

I knew that opportunities would be gone from them.

I knew that mourning is absolute hell and the process takes years and years and then it's still a part of you.  I know the empty spot in my soul that won't be filled until I see my parents again.

I knew this would bring back a world full of emotions and memories...wishes and hopes...

And...because, even though these are three self-sufficient adults, they are still my babies.

Hardest thing I've ever done.

I did it.  But it took everything I had.  And then to leave them a few weeks later, when all I wanted was to stay and be there for them.  Be able to watch over them and see with my own eyes how they were doing.

I've had more than a boatload of hardest things in my life thus far.  I'll have more.  Hardest things suck.  But we survive.  Even if we need to climb in bed for a few days.  We survive.

19 October 2014

And Then We Moved...

so we moved.

things became real when the sign went up...

doug and i decided to move a load over every day instead of doing it all in one day...it made sense at the time...many times while we were doing this, we wondered about this decision...especially towards the end when it seems like it will NEVER EVER END!!!

the missionaries helped with a few of the heavier things, like the piano...here was my empty spot, when i was still living in one place and my piano was waiting a few weeks for me at the new place...

sometimes, after unloading the truck, doug would play a game of pool over at the new place.  a reward of sorts.  he's a good sport.  tried to do most of it to protect my joints.  he's my moving hero.

we got the patio stuff set up...

the guest room ready for visitors...

the sucky part of being a mormon with food storage is moving all those cans.  they're still not re-organized...i'm doing really good at letting go and letting them be for now...

then came the day we moved our bed over and switched residences...most of our stuff was moved.  

i got a bonus!  the prior tenants left a dog bone cookie cutter in a corner of a cupboard.  yeah for me!  i didn't have that one!

two of the missionaries climbed my new tree on the last heavy stuff trip.  they were great help and then we had a major fire grilling hamburgers...good times!

apparently, i set this as an alarm on my phone...i do not remember doing so...but when it popped up, i was slightly humored by my earlier self...because, i was home.  instead of driving 13 more minutes.  glad i stuck to the schedule! 

we had a ton of boxes left over.  the good news is we didn't have as much stuff as we thought?  the back of the pick up was filled with flattened boxes...squashed and tied down.

then came the day to say goodbye to the old place...it was a good home...

and on to the next... next spring, i shall relearn to swim in the pool...

p.s.  i still hate moving.  perhaps things will follow the plan and the next one will be to our alaska cabin...  and, major kudos to my moving hero hubby...for his patience with my limitations and quirks about packing, moving, unpacking and finding the new home for stuff...

17 October 2014

Flashback Friday

May 2010

The Paul McCartney Fund

(back in early 2010, i told jaycey about my friend posting that if every one of his friends would send him a dollar, he'd have enough for the new...i think ipad?  anyway...she and i both did that.  he laughed.  we may have been the only ones who sent him a buck.  ...when she found out sir paul was going to be in her neck of the woods...she asked if she could post that.  i said why not.  and she did.  and some of her people donated.  then her momma may or may not have subsidized the rest, but only after some awesome people played her game.  and then her awesome momma found where we could get better seats for less.  and then her awesome cousin said she'd buy a ticket also so she didn't have to go alone.  and then, jaycey had the concert of her life while a beatle sang to her.  yes.  he sang to her.  and don't ever tell her any different.)

16 October 2014

Unless It's Ebola...Who Cares...

My back is just a little sore today.  I was able to wash my hair...that was a good thing.

Now, with the back mostly behaving, my cold is able to take front and center stage.

Told Doug on Tuesday that I was pretty sure I was sick.

He said, "Did I give you my cold?"

(he had a tiny baby cold last week...weird...the guy practically never gets sick... me?  if there's a cold within 10 miles, i'll get it...)

I said, "I don't know.  Probably."

Which leads to this post...

I don't care who my kids caught chicken pox from... I don't much care who gave my kids the flu...or a cold...or whatever.  Once someone is sick, does it really matter?

When someone accuses me: YOU GOT ME SICK!!!

My mouth says, "Sorry..."

And I am.  But mostly..I'm all:  Really?  That's what we're doing?  Shall I go hunt down where I got mine from and go uncork on them?  And then they do it?  And then that person does it?  And on and on?

It would be a never ending round of accusing.  Because we'd all get sick before it was finished and we'd have to start it again.

It's pointless.

I'm just sick.

I'm miserable and then I'll get better and feel good.  And won't really pay attention to it until the next time I'm sick.

And I won't really know who got me sick...but I'll be sick.  And that's about all I need to know.

(i'm really not whining right now, but i have a GREAT talent for laying on the floor in the hall in wait for someone to walk by and hang onto their leg begging them to make me better...or maybe that was just a teenager talent of mine that i reserved for my mom...)

15 October 2014

Super Job George

So I'm thinking about my girls and their jobs.

And I'm just proud of them.

*knock on wood*
(that's so i'm not throwing a jinx on them)

When people talk about kids moving back in...I joke that I can't get mine to move back in.

I had Kim for a minute a few years ago, but...it barely counts.

So I mean it as a compliment to my daughters.

That they mind their own manners, that they pay their own way, that when we're together, sometimes I pay, sometimes I pay for just mine...and sometimes, more often that I think, they pick up the tab.

Super Job George!

14 October 2014

What's That Sound?

There's been a bit of Tourette's going on over here yesterday and today...

And if you are offended by that sentence...get over yourself.  I'm in pain.  I'm not apologizing for my choosing that word...

Anyway...this is the short version...

See this faucet handle?

That innocent faucet handle...

Well...I was resoaking a pan yesterday morning...and I turned on the water... Which is a fairly simple thing to do.  Like, that handle is extremely user friendly.  Even when my hands are at their most painful, which they have been since moving here...due to moving...this is so simple.  push to the side.  Push up or down.  That's it.  Use your wrist.  Use your hand.  Use your forearm.  If I was tall enough, or got my stool over, I could bend over and use my nose.

Point is, it's easy.

So I turn it on.  I push it to the hot.  And pause.  Maybe for the count of three.  And then...


I'm the proud owner of a kink in my back.

A seized up area.

A really really good tweak....

That hurts.

Like a mother.

I can speak from experience because I know the pain that comes from going through natural childbirth and becoming a mom.

Three times.

So I know it hurts.  Like a mother.

And I try some T-Tapps Primary Back Stretches...not successfully...and I think, "Did my neighbors hear that?"

And that began the sounding of sounds coming from my mouth.

For a few hours today, it loosened up.

Then, I laid down on my bed while talking with my daughter on the phone.  And it wasn't so great.  And I got the bright idea to lie on the floor.  Because the harder surface would help, right?

Well...in theory...

But then one gets stuck on the floor.

Which is kind of relaxing.

And after awhile, my husband comes looking for me...which I figured he would.  At some point.  Or at least when he was going to bed...

And he walked over and looked at me and asked what I was doing...and I said, "Well..I'm stuck..."

So I ask for help.  And offer up my right hand...and tell him slow...slowly...and so he starts and I quickly realize that is the WRONG arm to use...

Holy Hannah...was that the wrong arm to use.

So we use my left arm...I stand still while the blackness covers everything, close my eyes and wait for my brain to decide if I'm going to pass out or not.

I didn't.

And the hard floor did NOT help.

Here's hoping for a better and quieter tomorrow. 

12 October 2014

Completely Weirded Out...

awhile back, i was staring at my face and my grandparents...because i gave up figuring out which parent i looked like, i wanted to see a connection somewhere...in studying my grandparents faces, i decided i looked most like my grandma bingham (my dad's mom). tonight, i've been looking at stuff on rootsmapper then on familysearch.org. saw a picture of my great-grandpa batchelor, never saw one of him before. then, went to look at catherine todd (his wife...grandma bingham's mom) and OH MY HELL!!! i've seen a picture of her when she was older...but the picture someone set as her main picture is of her as a younger woman. and...tell me...do i or do i not bare some sort of resemblance to my great-grandma?

catherine is the tallest one in the back. with the awesome hair.

you can click on the picture to make it bigger...

i am completely thrilled to see a resemblance...

and COMPLETELY weirded out.

cuz that's like someone photoshopped my naked face into the picture....